So, I’m a Doctor Who fan. There’s a great statement that the Doctor makes when he is regenerating into yet another form of “the Doctor.” If you don’t watch Doctor Who, that’s ok, the quote is still good.
New Year resolutions are about making changes in your own life to be happier with yourself. Change is good, change can be slow, but remember who you were, and embrace who you are- and keep moving forward.
As parents we want to be better parents and we often fall into a self defeating pattern of beating ourselves up when we make mistakes. Just know, the mistakes will always be there, no amount of parent coaching, classes and tips will result in perfect parenting, unless you find a way to no longer be human. It comes with the territory. What you can do this year is embrace who you are, and let your kids see how you deal with your mistakes. You don’t always have to be right, and even though much of the time, we are right in our battles with our children, we may not make good choices in enforcing our rightness.
This year, instead of focusing on your mistakes, focus on restoring the relationship after strong words have been exchanged. Wait until you and your child has had time to calm down and go to your child and say, “I don’t like how that went, I’m sorry I…” You can always make it right again. You can restore connection with your child, and have the added benefit of modeling for your child how to restore a relationship after conflict. Maybe not right away, but eventually, your child will take part of the restorative conversation and you can both have an open discussion about went went wrong and what you will both do differently next time. That’s connection, and that creates a happier home, and a happier you. That’s a great goal for the new year!